(a longer story but the foundation for everything! Hang with me!) 

I had grown up believing in God, and going to church most Sundays, but I never knew that God could actually talk to me. That He was still so real, and so present and truly wanted to be as close as a friend to me. And in 2010, through the biggest storm I’ve experienced in my life, I finally was forced to slow down enough in this loud, voice-filled, fast paced, instant gratification world, to where I could notice His still small voice… His communication to me.

Everyone has their own story of the storms in life. No two are exactly the same, and all are painful, yet what I would come to learn was all of these storms lead to something, or Someone, greater. My storm was finding myself in an abusive marriage that God truly saved me from. And I could go on here to talk about the little whispered ‘feelings’ that I ignored along the way or the disobedience and compromise that I entertained and was blinded by in the search for finding ‘true love’, but no matter what the situation is, no matter what your storm looks like, God sees you. 

He sees us all and He loves us more than we will ever fully understand. So after truly seeking Him with all of my heart, soul and mind, I was shown what I was truly living in – what I had been blind to for so many years. And God saved me from it. 

No matter what the change in situation looks like though, there is still a death that takes place. A death of the possibilities. A death of a life that could have been. A death of what we thought our life was. A death and separation of two lives that were a promised covenant and spiritual union to be brought together as one flesh, now being disintegrated as they are painfully torn apart once again. 

And there is yet still another death that takes place…one that is by far the most painfully courageous yet most important and impactful after any life altering experience. After being torn down for so many years, there is also a death to our selves that happens simultaneously as God begins to lovingly re-teach us who we truly are….who exactly our true God given identity always was. It’s here – at this beautiful, painful, messy, hope-filled  place, where our life truly begins. 

I had been watching sermon after sermon and reading the Bible any time I wasn’t working – anything to grasp onto the only thing that was bringing me even an ounce of hope and steadiness in the middle of the storm. I had no appetite for physical food, but God’s truth every day was the only sustenance I craved. 

I had started noticing the 1’s shortly after my separation …. it became my ‘thing’ to those around me. “It’s 11:11 again!”…. “It’s 1:11 again!”…. “My purchase totaled $11.11 at the store today!” …. it was truly everywhere! And before you assume it was coincidence, or that I was checking the clock often, let me assure you, this happened the only time I would decide to look at or even notice what time it was in the day – something (or Someone I should say) prompted me at those exact times to take notice. In the beginning it did seem like chance to my unknowing,  all consumed mind. However after this went on for days…months….and then a year…. I definitely started to think something different was up! 

After a year of seeing the same numbers everywhere I started to ask God what was going on (can we just pause here and notice how incredibly patient God is with us? He waited a whole year for me to finally ask Him what was going on! He is so patient with His children in their spiritual journey! He is such an incredible loving Father). 

“God – what is going on?! Are the numbers from you? Is the devil messing with me? This is starting to get a little alarming!” It was the first time I audibly asked God a question out loud. Assuming I wouldn’t actually hear an answer, I moved on. But the next day, my whole world changed. 

I went out to dinner with an incredible friend who God graciously gave me as a true lifeline and support during the most difficult time in my life.  (Pay attention to the community that God surrounds you with during your storms. The devil will try to isolate you during these times but God will bring you into community! He talks through others so often, giving us the support, love and advice that is truly from Him! I had gone completely out of my comfort zone one night and gone to a prayer group through my church. I was so self conscious and lost at the time, and had been so cut off from any friendships, God knew I needed community. By the end of the meeting I broke down and told these women, who I didn’t know well at all, what was going on in my life. I could feel a tangible pull to the woman sitting behind me, even though I couldn’t see her face while sharing my story. Afterwards, we introduced ourselves over chocolate chip cookies and my incredibly precious God given friendship with Emily began.) So many of my solid incredible Godly friendships started from that evening – if you’re feeling isolated, consider this your God given push to get out and into a loving Godly community today!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back now, while we were at dinner, God was using Emily to take the lies that the devil was telling me, and exchange them for God’s truths! In addition to just the overall healing process after the abuse, my heart’s desire was to have a Godly husband, kids and family one day – but the devil would sneak in with his lies and try to convince me, “no one is going to want to be with you, you’re divorced! You’re damaged. Who would want to be with that?!” Ooooohhhhh but GOD’s truths will ALWAYS overcome the devils lies!!! 

Emily gave me this encouraging (and soon to be, life changing) visual for my life:   “Tiffany, your life is like a bridge right now. It’s foggy, you can’t see what’s on the other side, but God has a beautiful plan for your life! You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other!” 

After hours of incredible conversation, support, wisdom, encouragement, and of course, chocolate cake 😉 I left feeling hopeful and holding onto the beautiful visual that she had given my soul that evening. 

Later, as I was laying in bed, getting ready to fall asleep, while mindlessly scrolling through Facebook at the time…. a photo stopped me in complete disbelief! It was a picture of the EXACT visual Emily had given me over my life! 

There was a worn wooden bridge held up by strong weathered rope, set against a background of foggy tree-covered mountains, covered with a light blue early morning fog, so dense that you couldn’t see the other side! In the midst of the fog, it read:

“Now faith is the confidence in what we hope for, and the assurance of what we do not see.” 

Hebrews 11:1

The 1’s! I was completely undone! With tears instantly streaming down my face I was completely overcome as I knew that those desires that I couldn’t see yet- those beautiful God given, God planted wishes of my heart for my life one day would actually happen! I was going to have a family of my own one day. And I knew this with bold confidence in only the way that our Living God could have communicated that to my heart! I knew that’s what the verse meant for me in that very moment! AND THEN! The realization that THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, THE GOD that created the whole world, the sun, the stars, the beautiful intricacy of you and I, WAS TALKING TO ME!!!! WHAT?!?!?! I was so overcome with the realization that God WAS in fact alive! And that HE DID TALK TO US! I was a mess of humble gratitude, love, hope and sheer AWE of WHO God is!!!

This was just the start of how I began to notice how God speaks! The very next day not knowing what to expect as I excitedly shared this incredible experience with my family, all of the sudden something new happened! After a YEAR of seeing 1’s all over my life at – not so random- times, I began to see 2’s! Once it started happening just like the 1’s did I KNEW this was God! I began only seeing the clock at 2:22! Being woken up in the night at exactly 2:22!?!?! I mean come on! Was this how God was going to be speaking to me?!?! Are we going to go in order?!?! God had my full attention and I couldn’t wait to see what was next!! He was moving me onto my next step, my next lesson, my next promise! 

It was in this season of my life when I started to fully understand the beautiful hope filled promise that the end is only the beginning!